i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
