He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
