Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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