i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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