I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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