he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
