I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
