i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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