Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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