He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
