Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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