his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
