I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
