my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
