So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
