i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
