I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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