so let's talk penis.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
