FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
