He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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