# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
