making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
