U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
