I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
