I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
