Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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