I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
