I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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