if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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