my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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