oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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