The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
