after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
