i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize