what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
