Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Can I color on your dick again?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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