i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He did a backflip because drugs
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