I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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