I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
