At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
