I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Randomize
