All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
