They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
