She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
