he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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