So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
