oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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