so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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