Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
