the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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