I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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