When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
