Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
