You smell like stripper and shame
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
