i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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