The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
