im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
