I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
