All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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