dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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