omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
