eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
