Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My vagina is very pro this idea
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
