I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
