It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
