Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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