ugly people sure do ruin things
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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