omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
