I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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