Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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