Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize